


supercut

by cheonsyun



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Exes to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:47:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22030507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheonsyun/pseuds/cheonsyun
Summary: "in my headi play a supercut of usall the magic we gave offall the love we had and lost"mingyu loses and then finds back the only thing that matters to him : minghao.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	supercut

**Author's Note:**

> to @jeonsdope. thank you so much for everything, i love you so much  
> and to inès. happy birthday my love ❤

Mingyu wakes up only to realize one more time that Minghao doesn’t sleep by his side anymore.

It’s been one year now. One year since the sword of Damocles fell on the top of their heads. The burden of loving each other too much, hearts intricate like a rosebush. Minghao had decided that it was too much to handle and that they had to split up before one of them died from suffocation. They broke up from a common agreement but Mingyu thinks Minghao agreed more than he did.

He doesn’t get used to it, unlike what the most desperate parts of his brain would have thought. A doctor would call it the ghost-limb syndrome, a romantic would call it a heartbreak, Mingyu doesn’t call it at all. The subject is still taboo amongst his friends ; none of them dare to mention Minghao in front of him.

He knows his friends still see him, too. They’ve been the two halves of the same entity of them, how could anyone pick a side now, when they’ve been attached by the hip since so long no one even remembers ? He knows they see him. Seokmin gets along well with Minghao, and sometimes Mingyu’s tongue itches for him to ask him how Minghao has been going, if he talked about him, if he still giggles when he’s embarrassed, if he still wears his glasses on the tip of his nose.

He goes to the kitchen that sometimes feels too spacious for his sole body, makes himself a cup of coffee. Living together wasn’t even a choice they had to make, it just seemed obvious to everyone. He forgets to put the sugar in. Minghao would’ve reminded him - he did every morning. He decides bitterness forges the soul and drinks it in one sitting, wincing so hard he can’t see anymore. This is disgusting and he regrets this decision, so he drinks water straight from the tap. The tip of his hair gets wet in the process and he shakes his head. It’s ten o’clock on a saturday morning and today is Wonwoo’s birthday. They’re supposed to go to a club and Mingyu’s stomach clenches at the bare thought of _him_ maybe being there.

He probably won’t, though. Wonwoo always was Mingyu’s friend more than Minghao’s friend. They do their best to avoid each other and this has been working very well given the fact they haven’t bumped into each other since the day they broke up. Mingyu likes to think it’s better this way, but deep downs, he knows his heart longs for Minghao and Minghao only. He sometimes catches himself shamefully hoping he’ll run into him at the corner of the street where he works when he passes by there ; sometimes his heart races when he catches a glimpse of a lanky silhouette with black hair in the subway. He tries to convince himself it’s better this way, he really does. He tries to go on with his life when a whole part of it is missing.

For as long as he remembers, Minghao has always been there. When he was scraping his knees on the gravel of the playground, when he had his stupid hormone surges and his ridiculous grow spurt, when they left their suburb and started college. He still sees the two of them hugging each other so tight when they finally graduated high school, both too shy to admit they had a crush on the other. They survived so many sessions of finals together, Minghao working his ass off to pass his art classes, Mingyu falling asleep on his med papers that were due twelve hours later.

He’s not sure about the moment he started wondering if maybe, Minghao was more than a friend. Because you’re not supposed to want to spend the rest of your life with your friend - not the way he did, the way he kind of still does. When your friend smiles at you, you’re not supposed to feel your heart flutter inside of your chest. You’re not supposed to wish time would freeze forever when your friends is running his finger through your hair, on an evening you both decided to ditch your plans to stay together and watch TV.

It happens on the night of Junhui’s birthday. They both made it through their first year of college, and Junhui was turning twenty so they decided to go drink at his place, and then go to a club, and then they went back at his place to drink again, and they both come home extremely drunk with the first subway in the morning, the wagon nearly empty and their heads buzzing with the remains of alcohol in their veins. When they come out of the subway station they get hit by the rising sun, eyes blinded by the ephemeral morning glory and Minghao takes Mingyu’s hand. It’s not like he never did before - Mingyu would recognize his hand amongst a thousand others, he knows the bony knuckles and the warm palms and the cold fingers and the metal of his ring and the smooth back of his hand. It’s not the first time yet this time feels different. They walk in the grey streets, the overflowing sun bathing them in eternal golden light, fresh air of the morning coming clean in their lungs, and Mingyu just _knows_.

They reach their building, climb the eight flights of stairs as best they can, Mingyu slots the key inside of the lock only on his second try and Minghao giggles but doesn’t help him. He opens the door, they come in, he closes behind Minghao and they face each other. And they kiss. Without preamble. Without premeditation. Without concertation. It just happens.

They’ve known each other for _nineteen years_ , and they never kissed, yet Mingyu feels like it’s the thing they’re the best at when together. The golden light filters between the small interstices of the ajar blinds and Mingyu feels whole. He feels complete, like everything he aimed for was finally between his hands.

It’s the first night they share a bed. They sleep head against head and the golden light doesn’t fade, settling lovingly on their asleep bodies under the grey sheets. It’s already getting hot and sticky but they don’t move an inch apart from each other. Mingyu sleeps next to his best friend, and his lover, and when he wakes up Minghao hasn’t moved and it wrenches his stomach realizing how lucky he is.

Junhui, Wonwoo and Seokmin are very bad at faking surprise when they announce they finally get together. They all overreact and Mingyu clenches Minghao’s fingers between his under the table of the café.

It all goes so _well_ it’s almost sickening. Maybe it’s what led them to their loss. They get along too well to argue. They love each other too much to stay mad more than two hours. They spend most of their time together because they’ve always done so, and they don’t see why it would stop now. They both sense something has changed, though ; when they were not dating they were hanging out together because it just felt so natural, and now a part of it is spoiled because it’s not as organic as it used to be. They’re a _couple_. A word that’s so heavy to bear for two people who were used to be both nothing and absolutely everything.

They’re not Mingyu and Minghao ; they’ve never been. It’s always been Mingyu-and-Minghao, the two of them being the two halves of a whole. One can’t come without the other. It’s a package deal. Double trouble. Maybe it’s why Minghao starts to suffocate.

Of course Mingyu notices. How couldn’t he ? How could he not notice the way Minghao hugs him looser, kisses him shorter, comes to bed later ?

First, he thinks it’s just a phase, that it will pass, so he doesn’t worry. Things can’t always be perfect and he’s more than willing to go through it for Minghao.

It’s not a phase. It doesn’t pass. They spend weeks, months like this. Mingyu starts to believe he’s the problem. Maybe Minghao doesn’t love him anymore and he can’t eat properly for five days straight when this bare thought first makes its nest inside of his head. He loses seven pounds and Minghao is so worried about him he takes two days off of work to make sure he’s okay. They don’t talk about _this_ , the big elephant taking all the place in the room, inside their lungs, this now unspeakable distance between them growing bigger and bigger with every second going by.

Until one night where Mingyu can’t stand it anymore and decides he has to break the ice. If he’s the one who breaks it maybe the shards won’t go straight to his heart. It’s one in the morning and they’re both on the black couch, chainsmoking in front of _Ocean’s Eleven_ when he drops off the words that have been so heavy on his hearts for what feels like ages.

\- You don’t love me anymore.

It’s not a question. It’s not an affirmation either. It’s just a fact so big Minghao chokes on the smoke of his cigarette.

\- I’m sorry, what ?

\- You don’t love me anymore, Mingyu repeats. Don’t make me say it for a third time.

Minghao smashes and twists the butt of his cigarette at the bottom of the ashtray and pinches the bridge of his nose.

\- How could I just “not love you anymore”, Mingyu ? Do you really think this is how it works ? How _we_ work ?

\- Don’t play dumb with me. Don’t act like you didn’t notice how things changed.

Minghao sighs. The TV casts a moving play of lights over his usually serene face.

He takes a deep breath. And another one.

\- Don’t you feel like you suffocate, sometimes, Mingyu ?

\- What do you mean ?

He asks but he knows perfectly what it means and he starts to feel a knot in his throat.

\- Don’t you ever want to change everything ? Change your life radically ? Because I do. And if I don’t I swear that I’ll end up choking on my own breath.

They stare at each other right in the eyes. Mingyu doesn’t want to realize. He doesn’t want to compute the weight of the words Minghao just spoke.

\- Do you want to fucking break up with me because you’re done with me ? Is that how things are, Minghao ? Is that the point we’ve come to ?

He intended to make it sound angry but he knows Minghao can hear the underlying tears in his tone. He sees something breaking at the bottom of the gaze in front of him.

\- No, of course I’m not done with you. Mingyu, I love you so much. God, I think you have no idea of how much I love you and I think - oh my God, this is so sappy - I think I could never express it to its true value. If that was your worry, then just - don’t. Don’t doubt.

\- Then what is it ?

\- I just… I need to breathe. I need to see what’s outside of what we’ve always had. I am not tired of this - how could I be ? I have you, and you have me, and we have everything - but I have to use my soles on another ground. Will you wait for me ?

They’re now almost forehead against forehead, Minghao’s hand cupped against Mingyu’s cheek.

\- Will I wait for you while you start over your life with someone else, you mean ?

Minghao chuckles ironically.

\- Why would I start over with someone else when I have you ? I just want you to wait for me. I’ll always come back to you, anyway.

None of them say it out loud but they both know what’s implied. _I’ll always come back to you. You’re home._

\- Do you want me to tell you a short story, Minghao asks while wiping a tear that rolled on Mingyu’s cheek in the most gentle way that ever existed.

Mingyu nods.

\- Swans mate for life.

\- Oh God, no, Mingyu stops him and Minghao chuckles while he asks _What ?_ with his small laughing voice. I was in for a Grimm tale of something like that, not for the science project you did when we were in seventh grade.

It’s not a joke, it’s a true fact and Minghao’s not even shocked he remembers.

\- Will you let me finish ?, he asks, smiling as he pokes playfully Mingyu’s nose. I got an A for this project. As I was saying, swans mate for life. No matter how long they live and how much swans they meet, they always come back to the same one.

Mingyu sighs deeply. He feels the aftertaste of tears at the back of his throat and Minghao takes his two hands. If he can’t trust him, who will he trust ? And who else would he end up with, either way ?

\- OK. OK, he exhales. I’ll wait for you.

Minghao smiles so fondly at him that Mingyu know he made the right choice to believe him.

He leaves the day after. He packs his things and kisses Mingyu for one long, long last time.

\- See you later, Minghao says. Mingyu opens the door for him and they kiss once more. The door between them close and as soon as it snaps shut, Mingyu bursts into tears.

It’s been one year now. One year that Mingyu always forgets to put sugar in his coffee, that he stares at Minghao’s empty ashtray on what used to be his side of the couch, that he wonders when he will come back. He knows he will, but not tonight because it’s Wonwoo’s birthday and he turns twenty-four and he has to get ready. He just dresses up and leave his house at nine in the evening to go to the bar.

There’s Junhui, and Seokmin, and of course Wonwoo, and Mingyu. One of them is missing and none of them say a word about it, but they all know. They drink, and chat, and drink more, and Mingyu loosens up and his cheeks go red and the sun start to set. The city switches on night mode and they order one more drink before they decide to go to a nightclub. This is the nightclub where they went for Junhui’s twentieth birthday. His stomach is tied.

The place is dark and crowded and booming loud, just what Mingyu needs with the alcohol level in his blood. If he was sober he would’ve hated it.

Junhui and Seokmin lead him in a shots contest and suddenly he’s not “a bit tipsy” he’s “completely inebriated”. He starts wandering aimlessly through the club, maybe going for the smoke room, maybe going to the toilet, maybe going to stand in the middle of the crowd and let the alcohol take control of his limbs. He’s walking between sweaty bodies and relents of vodka when he bumps into him.

Is Mingyu _that_ drunk ? Is he drunk enough to hallucinate the face of his long lost lover right in front of him in the nightclub they went to the night they kissed for the first time ?

He still has the shape of his silhouette perfectly memorized. They stand in front of each other for seconds or decades. Minghao looks somewhat different yet he’s still the same. He still does a small stroke of eyeliner on the outer corner of his eyes when he goes out for the night. His hair is still parted in the middle. His perfume is still the same. But more than everything, he still smiles the same when his eyes meet Mingyu’s.

\- You’re finally there, Minghao says.

\- What do you mean I’m finally there, Mingyu blabbers.

Minghao giggles and Mingyu thinks this is probably real, after all.

\- You’re _that_ drunk. Oh, baby. I’ll get you a glass of water. Come with me.

He takes Mingyu’s hand and they slither through the human swarming mass towards the bar.

_If you’re not there, nobody is there_ , they say. _Only one person missing and the world becomes empty_. At this very moment, he experiences the exact opposite. Minghao is there and no one else exists. The bodies around him are faceless. The dancing feet below him don’t belong to anyone. The structure of the world changed completely to orbit solely and exclusively around Minghao. He crashes against the marble of the bar and Minghao holds a glass of clear, fresh water to his face. _Careful_ , he whispers gently, a hand on Mingyu’s back as he drinks.

\- What did you mean I’m finally there, Mingyu repeats once he’s done.

\- Well… I may or may not have told the boys that I would be there and that I wanted it to be a surprise for you, he says with shiny eyes and a smile so unexplainable yet Mingyu _knows_ what it means.

Mingyu’s throat go dry. He almost asks for another glass of water but doubts too much of his elocution capacity for this, until he realizes the tear rolling down his cheek.

He’s literally crying in the club and Minghao engulfs himself in Mingyu’s arms before they both even have the time to blink.

\- I missed you so much, Mingyu whispers. Oh, God, I missed you so fucking much. This has been the longest year of my life.

Minghao sobs silently between Mingyu’s arms.

\- I needed this. I needed to breathe. But once I filled my lungs with air, I realized I needed you more.

They let go of each other, Minghao’s hand still on Mingyu’s biceps under the purple neon light.

\- You’re such an idiot, Minghao. I’m so glad you’re back.

\- I thought maybe you wouldn’t want me back.

Mingyu laughs softly.

\- Why wouldn’t I ? Swans mate for life.

They kiss for the second first time. They’re in the middle of a nightclub they haven’t been in for ages, but the only thought that crosses Mingyu’s mind is :

_It’s so good to be home._


End file.
